Oceans
by PoodleCharlie
Summary: One year after Derek and Emily's goodbye rendezvous in London, she runs into the team while on a case in New York with a little surprise in tow. DEMILY, of course.
1. Hey Baby

A/N: Before we get started, there is some math in here. I need to stress, I cannot math. I've tried to get a beta for this story for about a year, I haven't had luck with it. So if anyone is interested, please feel free to pm me. Or if anyone is willing to help me fix the math, open to it.

Story name inspired the song, Oceans, by Seafret. If you haven't checked it out, do it. This is not a songfic. Oh! And this is a sequel to All I Ask, but it's def not necessary to read that one first. :)

Lastly, Thanks so much for reading! Let's get started... shall we?

* * *

**New York, NY**  
**FBI Field Office**

"Well, Well, it isn't the B.A.U."

The team was huddled in the Bullpen of the NY Field 's back was turned to the woman that had just addressed the team but she recognized that eyes widened and she whipped around to face her longtime friend.

"Emily!" she exclaimed as she threw her arms around the brunette.

Emily's smile was wide as she pulled back from JJ's embrace."It's good to see you too JJ." She looked out to the rest of the team."It's good to see all of you."

"What's it been?A year since we've seen you?"Hotch asked.

"A little over."Emily admitted casting a reluctant glance in Morgan's direction.

"393 days actually." Spencer chimed in.

Rossi leaned in, taking her hand, but leaned back to size her up."Look at you, Bella!" He stated with apparent was wearing all white, serving as a stark contrast to her sleek raven hair, which fell just past her shoulders. "May I say you look even more beautiful?"

Morgan did have to admit to himself he hadn't thought it possible, but she did look even more beautiful than he there was something different about couldn't quite put his finger on looked as intense, intimidating even, but somehow softer?And she had looked so incredibly beautiful… _Her porcelain skin, perfectly illuminated by the city lights._

Morgan has to physically shake the thought. He needed to say something.

"You do look good, but a dress Em?" Morgan teased, "That field attire over in England?"

Emily's breath caught in her throat as she looked to Morgan. She wasn't sure whether his jab was meant to be joking or if he was still distancing himself from her.

Morgan saw a flash of emotion cross over Emily's features, ever so briefly, then he heard her had made her uncomfortable, he knew, for all her confidence and poise she emitted to the world, she would inevitably slip up and show her insecurities. Had he meant to do that?

She waved her hand, as if attempting to brush the attention off of her. "Oh, I'm not cleared for the field yet."

"What? Why?" Hotch asked, a defensive tone apparent in his voice, "Do you need me to call somebody?"

Emily rolled her eyes at his overprotectiveness, but also she was secretly appreciative that her former boss still had her back.

"No."She stated, "I had a… a thing…a few months back, I was in the hospital."

She could feel most of the team straighten, she hated appearing vulnerable which is why she hadn't told them all in the first place. "Anyway, I'm fine. I'm just waiting for my doctor's note. In the meantime, it's all desks and I get to wear fun shoes!" she picked up one foot, showing the team her white stiletto pumps.

Seeing her bare ankle made Morgan shift uncomfortably. His mind flashed with images of their last encounter in London. Her slender leg, pulling his taut body into her. He needed to pull himself were at work dammit.

"Em, you're sure you're okay?"JJ asked, still concerned for her friend, even though she knew she was trying to play it off.

"Honestly, yes." She gave a sympathetic smile. She truly loved these people and hadn't forgotten, but she'd been so busy she hadn't taken the time to remember what it was like to be a part of this team. "I'm fine." Desperate to change the subject, she asked, "So, what brings you guys to the NY Field office?"

Almost as equally desperate to talk about some neutral ground Morgan was the first to speak up. "We've followed an unsub from the district on a serial spree up to NY. We think he may still be in the City."

"But we're running into some jurisdictional issues." Blake chimed in.

"Ah! I hate that."Emily offered sympathetically.

"We could ask you the same."Rossi chimed in, "You working on a big international case?"

"Yeah, actually, my team and I are supporting the NY office on a case that just recently became international when-" Whatever she was about to say remained unfinished.

She turned in the direction of the elevator bank, as a very attractive black male in a suite was rushing toward had a baby carrier in one hand and what appeared to be a diaper bag slung over the opposite shoulder.

"Colin? What?" she stammered.

"Sorry love." He answered hurriedly in a smooth British accent. "Helga woke up with a fever this morning and I couldn't leave him with her. I didn't want him to have any more exposure."

He held out the carrier and bag. She accepted his offer and slung the bag over her shoulder first and the looped the carrier over her forearm on the same side. It appeared to their observers that this was the most natural thing in the world, causing some confused glances among the profilers.

"Helga?" JJ inquired.

"She's our nanny." Colin offered before flashing a charming smile. Then, turned to Emily. "I'm already late, I've to meet the team at the scene."

She sighed, "I guess he'll have to stay with me then."

"Thanks love!" He leaned in, kissing her quickly, gave a small wave to the people she'd clearly been talking to, then turned and bounded off.

Emily slowly turned back to the group, a sheepish grin on her incredibly flushed face.

"Well, let's have a look." Rossi said, gesturing toward the baby carrier, which was turned away from them.

Emily smiled, a little more genuinely but still nervous, and turned the end of the carrier with the baby toward the group as she pulled the shade back with her free hand. A surge of pride filled her as she unveiled her baby to her old team for the first time, "Guys, this is Elijah. My son."

"Oh! Em! He's beautiful!" JJ exclaimed, but quietly, knowing better than to wake a sleeping baby. "Is this the 'thing' you were in the hospital for?" she asked raising an eyebrow, knowing the answer.

"What- How- um- old?" Not one of the profilers missed Morgan's difficultly forming a sentence.

"4 months."She answered looking down at her young son.

Morgan could feel her avoiding his eye contact by staying focused on the baby. He narrowed his eyes as he studied the boy's features. The baby had a beautiful caramel skin tone, lighter than his own, but much darker than Emily's pale complexion. He most definitely had her nose. It was tinier, a miniature version, but definitely her nose. His lips were different than hers. It was his little ears though. He closed his eyes and opened them again. He might be crazy but he swore those tiny ears matched his own.

"That is a good looking young man you have there Emily. And it's been good to see you, but we unfortunately have a case to get back to" Hotch's voice, breaking Morgan's thoughts, visibly made him jump.

"Of course. Same. Plus, I have to go get him settled. "Emily answered, casting the quickest of glances in Morgan's direction. "It really was good to see all of you."

She turned, as she walked up the stairs to the back office she'd been working out of she heard Reid's voice, "Don't make us wait another 393 days next time!"

Glancing back over her shoulder, she beamed a sincere, genuine 's heart caught in his throat as he realized that was the first one since she'd seen her team again.

* * *

**London, UK**  
**Hotel Bar**  
**1 Year Prior +1 month prior**

Emily traced the rim of the wine glass that sat in front of her with her index finger as she did so she ran her top teeth over her bottom had found a hotel bar near her office, which conveniently was near her apartment also. It had been just four days, and three nights, since Derek had left London.

He'd called a couple of times, which she'd sent strait to voicemail. She'd responded mostly via text, if she'd bothered to at all. She knew it wasn't fair. She knew he'd be thinking he'd done something wrong, but he never had in her eyes. Pretty much everything she'd fucked up, she'd done perfectly on her own.

It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to him; she wanted to hear his voice so badly her gut ached. She couldn't hear his voice right now though. Without a doubt, it would break her. It was as if their night together had caused her to break down the remainder of the, albeit crumbling, wall she'd put between herself and her partner all those years ago.

She missed him. She missed him so badly, she could feel the ocean between them and felt like she was drowning in it. And she hated herself for doing so.

She had left. She had felt herself getting closer and closer to Derek Morgan and it had scared her. It had scared her enough for her to move herself to another continent instead of admitting her feelings. But that night it had been just the two them all alone in an apartment in London.

Emily had been the one to call him out. He had never admitted any type of feelings for her beyond that of a friend and a partner, but she was a profiler; and a damn good one at that. She picked up on the way his voice caught every time he'd called her his friend, she saw his body tense every time another man checked her out or had tried to flirt with her over the years. She had noticed every time he'd positioned himself between her any perceived threat during their missions in the field, not because she was a woman or he didn't have faith in her abilities, but because she did the same for him.

But Emily was stubborn, to a fault, and she'd never called him out on it back when they'd lived in the same country. She'd knew he'd never ask her out, because Derek was loyal, to his team, and to the Bureau. He would never break the rules, he viewed them as there for a reason. So it been her just three nights ago. She had demanded to know if she'd only ever be seen as his friend.

And he'd finally kissed her. Though through the elation she had felt at that kiss there had also been a burning ache- a regret, not for what was about to happen but for something that should have happened years ago. A regret knowing that they were finally giving into one another it would end there. It would have to.

_Just make it stop hurting_, she'd begged. And he had, though he had been like a drug and she was now in withdrawal.

So she fought the urge to grieve for a relationship that had never really been.

She forced herself to leave her apartment tonight, to resist crawling into bed and drowning herself in take out and forced herself to put on makeup and wear a dress from the back of closet, one that accentuated every curve. She forced herself to sit up strait, to feign enough confidence that she didn't appear to be wallowing. She forced herself to glance around the bar.

Tonight there would be someone else that would temporarily stop the pain. Someone else that could give her a fix. Even if it wasn't the one she was craving, it would help, for tonight. She would find someone from out town, someone foreign, definitely not looking for a relationship.

There were a few eligible was one gentlemen in particular she'd had her eyes was on his blackberry, seated alone in a booth, with salt-and-pepper hair. He was a workaholic for sure, as it was nearly 9:30 pm and he still was glancing over files with a brandy in his left hand. He didn't wear a wedding band, presumably because he worked so much his wife had left him. He wouldn't be the type of man looking for a commitment.

As she turned her body to raise herself out her chair, her breath caught in her throat at the sight of a tall, dark skinned man making his way into the was taking off a grey blazer to reveal a black tee shirt.

Emily did a double take her body freezing only momentarily until she realized it wasn't him.

_It wasn't him._

She was frustrated to find that she was relieved but also disappointed.

Turning back towards her nearly empty glass, she tried to avoid eye contact but couldn't stop herself from glancing over her shoulder as he lowered himself onto a barstool two seats away from her.

He flashed her a small, but boyish grin. God, he reminded her of Derek.

His facial features were similar to Derek's but different. His skin maybe a shade darker than Derek' he had hair, slightly thicker, but only slightly, than the layer of hair Derek had sported when she'd first met him.

She bore her eyes into the deep red in her glass, hoping and praying that he wouldn't try and talk to her.

"Can I buy you another?"

And there it was.

She closed her eyes tightly, thinking maybe for a second it wasn't the Derek Doppelgänger as her brain registered the sound of his deep voice and the thick English accent.

"You look like you're almost empty." He tried again to get her attention, gently.

If only he knew how right he was.

Opening her eyes, Emily looked over her right shoulder, making eye was then she saw nothing resembling Derek in his eyes, and found immediate relief in that. His eyes were dark, like Derek's, but there was an openness, and innocence in didn't carry years of pain and betrayal behind his eyes. He simply allowed people to look inside.

Emily knew she'd never be able to have that kind of easy openness with a stranger, but maybe that was what intrigued him.

She could play the mystery woman for a night.

Realizing she hadn't said anything, but deciding to play it to her advantage, she raised her chin and narrowed her eyes.

She let him quizzically glance at her wondering what she would finally say. Instead of speaking she let a smile tug on the corners of her tightly pursed lips.

He beamed a wide smile at his he moved to the barstool directly next to Emily as he gestured to the bartender. "A gin and tonic and another round for the lady."

* * *

A/N: This story has been on my hard drive for about two years. I told myself I wouldn't post another chaptered fic until I was done writing it, but honestly, I'm so wigged that my hard drive is gonna crash and I'll loose years of effort that I'm willing to go ahead and put it out there. I have a clear ending in mind, but my brain just hasn't finished getting it all out.

Also... in uploading this chapter, the spacing got really effed up. I think I fixed it but apologies for any I missed.

What do you think? Should I continue to work on this one?


	2. How We Got Here

_A/N: Okay you guys. I was trying to be chill and wait a little longer to post the next piece but I have none. So here it is. _

_I can't thank you enough for reading this. Please let me know you're thoughts and what else you wanna see. :) I am still writing pieces of this one._

* * *

**FBI Field Office**

**_New York, NY_**

Derek stood in the middle of the Bullpen. There were a few stragglers still typing away at the desks positioned around the open space. The sun had set, the office remained dimly lit by a few overhead lights.

The rest of his team had presumably gone back to the hotel, he'd stayed behind to catch up on some paperwork. At least that's what he tried to convince himself. But now that he stood looking directly into the office at the top of the stairs, he couldn't lie to himself any more. He'd had one burning question on his mind the entire day. He wanted to- No, he _needed_ to know the answer.

He'd been itching to get back to the field office all day, in hopes he'd get just a moment alone with her.

She was sitting at the desk in the hotel office the FBI kept specifically for use of rotating personnel in the office to work on their cases. He watched her through the glass office wall. She was staring intently at the computer screen, which illuminated her face in the dimly lit office. He could see her was strumming her fingers against the table surface, something she did when she was deep in thought.

He hated to interrupt her when she was so focused, he knew sometimes she'd get snappy, but he needed to do this now. Before it was too late. Before he missed the opportunity, or his nerve.

Derek took a deep breath. It was now or never. He practically ran up the stairs, and bowled his way into the office, throwing open the door.

She jumped, her eyes widening. He'd clearly surprised her.

"Is Colin Elijah's father?" he demanded.

Her expression changed from surprised to one of shock. She looked as if he'd actually slapped her.

Shaking her head, she tried to gather her composure, while simultaneously putting up her index finger as if to say '_wait a minute_.'

"No, you'll have them in your inbox by the time you get to your desk in the morning."

_Shit_. He hadn't realized until now she was holding a phone.

"Sorry, it's loud in here. I'm shutting the door now." She shot him a '_what the hell_' look, gesturing to the wide open door.

Grimacing, he gently closed the door behind him. When he looked back up she was holding a pacifier in her outstretched arm toward him.

"Yes, there were a few more revisions to the report."

His confused expression clearly showed he clearly didn't understand. She nodded her head in the direction of the baby, sitting in the carrier on the floor to her right.

He noticed for the first time that the baby hadn't started to make any noise yet, but had that look on its face like it was about to start wailing. He didn't know much about babies but this was when he usually handed them back to whomever they belonged to.

Realizing now he'd startled the baby when he'd startled her, he needed to try to fix this.

Taking the pacifier he knelt down in front of the baby. "Hey, hey," he cooed, "it's gonna be okay little guy."

He attempted to put it in the baby's mouth, but the baby kept moving his head around. Scared to hurt the tiny baby he looked to Emily for guidance, but found she had the phone pressed tightly to her ear with one hand and the over held over the other ear, clearly an attempt to focus on whatever the person on the other end of the line was saying.

A muffled beginning of a cry came from the small baby in front of him.

Derek tried one more time to give the pacifier to the baby. He was about to give up when the rubber touched the edge of the baby's lip and he immediately calmed.

For the first time, the baby opened his eyes wide, looking directly at Derek's face.

Derek took in a sharp breath as he realized this baby had Emily's eyes. It was incredible, but also strange. He was looking into eyes so familiar, but he'd never seen them before.

The baby's mouth was wide open, waiting expectantly for Derek to push the pacifier in his mouth. As Derek obliged, he heard what definitely sounded like a sigh of relief.

He chuckled to himself. "Hey there, Elijah. It's really nice to meet you."

Noticing the silence in the room, he looked up to see she'd hung up the phone and was watching their interaction. She looked more relaxed now.

Derek looked down at Elijah and then back to her in amazement. "It's so weird, ya know? A little mini person with your exact features."

"You think he looks like you?!" she snapped.

Her reaction surprised him. He didn't understand why she was being so defensive. "What? Em, I meant like you. I mean look at this baby. He has _your_ eyes. Emily, your _exact_ eyes."

He could see the smile play on her lips as she looked down at her son, whose eyes were still locked on Derek.

"Yeah, it is weird." she admitted, a little embarrassed at her harsh reaction before. "And he does, people just don't usually notice that quickly."

"Seriously? How could they not?"

She twitched her mouth slightly and he knew that was all he was going to get on that subject.

"Look, Em, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were on the phone."

"But not sorry you asked?"

"No. I really need to know." His eyes now pleaded with her, "Is Colin his father?"

She breathed deeply, but noticeably did not exhale. "Yes."

"Oh." He looked back down at Elijah, unsure of what he was feeling. Disappointment? Elijah furrowed his eyebrows at him. He saw the same crease he got above his brow when he was focused on a case. And those ears. Derek shook his head. "Emily, are you sure?"

She didn't answer right away.

He looked up to see her mouth slightly open, in an undecided answer. He could see the tears pooling in her eyes. Her eyes that were silently pleading him not to ask her again. However, it made him more determined than ever.

"Emily, are you sure?"

She hung her head, loosing her battle to her hot tears. He barely heard her whimpered "yes" as a single sob escaped her.

Derek felt as if his heart were beating out of his chest. His ears throbbing in unison. "Emily." He stated, "You know why I'm asking you this."

She looked up to face him. She looked seemingly composed, but her bottom lip continuing to quiver betrayed her.

"I'm going to keep asking until you tell me the truth Emily." His voice was soft, but firm. "Is Colin Elijah's father?"

She let out a small breath, looking from her son back to Derek, admitting for the first time, to anyone, "I don't know."

It was Derek's turn to look as if he'd been slapped. He stood quickly.

Running hand over his head he looked out over the bullpen to see none other than the British guy that looked a little too much like himself for his liking.

"I'm guessing he doesn't know." He said sardonically.

She whipped around toward the bullpen. She didn't have to answer. They both knew she hadn't told him about Derek.

She began wiping her eyes frantically grasping for composure.

He didn't know why, but he pulled a tissue off the desk and handed it to her. "We aren't done discussing this."

She nodded, taking the tissue wiping under her eyes, as she bent down and expertly pretended to be fussing over the baby.

"Hello." Colin cheerily greeted Derek as they came face-to-face.

"Hey." Derek answered flatly before pushing past him and exiting without another word.

"Is everything okay?" Colin asked as she stood and turned to face him.

She gave a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "Yeah, it's just been a long day."

* * *

London, UK  
1 year prior

For the first few days after Derek returned to the states he'd made at least one call to her daily. And she'd ignored every one.

The first call he'd made to tell her they'd landed, she sent to voicemail and returned with a text.

_Emily: 'Got called into work. You make it ok?'_

_Derek: 'Yeah. Just got in.'_

_Emily: 'Glad to hear it! TTYL'_

And she was glad he'd made it home safely. But she couldn't talk to him. Not yet. It wasn't that she didn't want to hear his voice; it was that she was more afraid that she'd do something stupid like beg him to come back. Or worse, propose a long distance relationship. She needed time. And space. She needed to think.

Yet, she discovered, the harder she avoided him the more she'd struggled to keep him off her mind.

And she'd tried nearly everything. She'd thrown herself into her work. She'd gone out and gotten drunk. She'd even found a substitute for a night. But nothing, and no one, could keep her mind from wondering back to him.

It had been a month. One whole month he'd been on repeat her head. She needed to stop avoiding. She was getting so stressed she was probably giving herself an ulcer with how nauseous she'd been lately, not to mention exhausted. The avoidance clearly wasn't working.

She took a deep breath and tapped his name on her call log.

It rang twice.

"Morgan." He answered business-like. She knew he hadn't looked at the caller id.

"Hey, uh, it's me."

"Emily?" He sounded surprised. "Are you okay?"

"Uh, yeah, I was just calling to say hi."

She swore she heard him huff. But there was no verbal answer.

"So, hi, I guess."

"Hi." He answered coolly.

She winced. She probably deserved that.

There was a long pause before Emily asked, "Are you working on a case?"

"Nope."

She was at a loss for words. She knew she shouldn't have pushed him away so hard. She had just been trying to stay sane after what had happened between them. She'd assumed he'd understand. How could she not have realized how hurt he'd be?

"Derek. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be." He snapped. "It was supposed to be a goodbye, right?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Seriously Em, it's fine." He lied. "You don't owe me any calls. You don't have to pretend we're still friends."

She felt hot tears stinging her eyes. "Derek, I never meant to…" her voice broke before she could finish.

_Jesus_. He hadn't meant to make her cry. His tone softened. "I know you didn't."

"I needed to figure some things out."

"Em, please don't feel bad. I'm not mad. We're an ocean apart. It's not like either of us were looking to turn one night into a long term relationship. It really is better this way. I'm glad you saw that." He'd been trying to convince himself of this over the month. He felt like his chest was tearing open.

He heard a muffled sob.

He found himself fighting the urge to take it all back. But he needed to stay strong. He couldn't do it again. He couldn't put himself back to the state he was in when he'd first left her.

The silence was killing him.

"Em, please talk to me."

She fought to regain some semblance of composure. She tried to sound non-chalant. But she knew he would hear right through. "Okay, if that's how you really feel Derek."

"It is." He lied again.

"Right. Okay." The tears were streaming down her face now. "Bye, I guess."

She dropped the phone into her lap without waiting for an answer. Burying her face into her hands, she let herself finally fall apart.

Little did she know on the other side of the Atlantic, Derek Morgan was doing the exact same thing.

* * *

_A/N: How am I doing so far?_


	3. Who's Your Daddy?

_A/N: Thank you! To everyone reading. I'm amazed even at how many people have opened this. It's still astounding. I sincerely hope you enjoy it, I was going to write it either way but it feels so good posting it somewhere. So thank you for the support, especially for the reviews._

_P.S. There's a cuss word at the end, I don't want to change the rating because I really don't feel like this story deserves it, but felt like I should warn you. If you don't like bad words... just don't read the last one. :)_

* * *

**New York, NY**

Emily had awoken to her phone buzzing and a text from Derek, _Chat over coffee this am?_

She'd rushed through Elijah's morning routine and told Colin that she needed to go into the office early. She didn't like lying to him, but she knew she couldn't casually drop the _I'm going meet someone that I had sex with a couple of days before we had sex and might be our baby's father. _She would save that conversation for another time. Maybe.

If they could confirm that Derek wasn't Elijah's father, then she would never have to have that conversation, right? She'd put it off long enough. It would just hurt him at this point. She also knew that wasn't fair to Colin, but she was a big fat chicken.

Walking through the streets of New York's Financial District, Emily carried her young son with her as she carefully navigated the uneven streets whilst scanning the nearby buildings searching for the name of the coffee shop Derek had texted her. She was beginning to understand that being a mom was just carrying your kid and all their crap around while trying to figure out what else you were supposed to be doing.

Finally she spotted a coffee shop across the street from where she stood. She spotted Derek through the window, who was sitting alone at a table with two coffees.

Her breath caught in her throat when she saw him. Damn. He looked good.

"Look Elijah! We found him." She sang to the baby.

Derek looked up at the sound of the door opening, and instinctively rose to his feet upon seeing her. God, she looked as beautiful as ever.

Emily watched Derek take her in as a smile formed on his lips. It wasn't the beaming smile she was used to seeing on him, it was more tentative, nervous.

She returned his smile as she moved towards him. Gesturing to the second coffee sitting across from him, she asked, "Is this for me?"

"What?" he asked, he'd been so lost in his thoughts. "Oh, yeah. Please sit."

She did so, and plopped down the large bag of Elijah's things that'd she'd been carrying as well.

"Sorry, I would have gotten something for him as well, but… well…" he trailed off.

She laughed, genuinely. She knew Morgan didn't know anything about babies, which she found funny mainly because she hadn't known anything about babies a few months ago either. She was still learning, truth be told, but in this situation she was the expert.

She lightly brushed her son's head, which was rested against her sternum, before reaching for the cup in front of her."It's okay Derek, he's not much of a coffee drinker."

She watched a smile spread over his face as he watched her sip her coffee.

"What?" she asked him.

"It's just you. With a baby, Prentiss."

She narrowed her eyes. "What are you saying?"

He put his hands up in mock defeat. "All I'm saying is motherhood looks good on you."

"Okay." She said wearily, but her smile gave her away. She missed Morgan. She had forgotten. While she had been pregnant she'd had a lot of time to think about him. To miss him. To be angry at him. But once the baby had come, she'd been so focused on taking care of Elijah she hadn't really had time to think about Derek much. But sitting in front of him now, it felt like nothing had changed. Even though everything had. She missed him more than ever. It was hurting to just breathe.

Derek cleared his throat, as he too had gotten lost in his thoughts. He loved just being in her presence. He wanted to sit and chit-chat with her, but knew he needed to press her for information.

"Emily," he started, clearing his throat once more, "I want a paternity test."

"Okay." Emily answered.

"Okay? Just like that?" Derek asked. He was surprised she hadn't tried to argue with him. Though he wasn't sure why he'd expected her to. She had told him she didn't know either.

"Okay." She shrugged as she pulled the stand of her hair away from her son who had been tugging on it. "I'll look up a clinic here in New York while we're both still here and have them mail us the results."

"Oh. Alright then." Derek said. He was relieved but also suddenly nervous.

He looked down at Elijah who was now grabbing at the fabric of Emily's blouse in absence of her hair to play with. It was suddenly starting to feel real. Could this be his baby? Sitting in front of him?

"Emily." He said suddenly.

"Yes?"

"Why didn't you tell Colin about me?"

Emily took a deep breath and reached up to stoke her baby's back. It appeared this question was a bit tougher for her.

"Honestly Derek. When I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified. You know me; I didn't know the first thing about babies. Then Colin stepped up. He was there. And I hated to admit it, but I needed him. I needed someone and I was so afraid that if I told Colin that he may not be his father that he'd leave me. Then I would have to figure it out. Alone. God Derek, I felt so alone."

She had choked on that last part, but quickly pulled herself back together. Emily was not one to break down in a public location.

Derek felt his heart pounding in his chest. She'd said she'd needed someone. He wanted to tell her he would have been there. If she had told him that she was pregnant he would have come for her. But he never even knew.

"So why didn't you tell me when you found out you were pregnant?" He asked uneasily. It was still so strange to him that Emily Prentiss had been pregnant in the first place. He was sad he'd missed seeing that. Even if it wasn't his baby.

"Seriously Derek?!" she spat back with ferocity that surprised him.

Derek's head jerked back and he blinked a couple of times. She felt Elijah curl into her, having also been startled. And the heads of a few patrons were now turned in their direction.

She lowered her voice, but the pent up anger she'd been suppressing for the last year laced her words. "Derek, I tried. For months." She stressed. "I called, I texted. Nothing. You never responded. I knew you were angry, but damnit Derek. It really hurt."

"Emily- I – if I had known… if I had even suspected, I would you have called you back." He pleaded.

She shrugged.

"Em, I would have." He said more firmly this time.

"It doesn't matter." She lied.

"Emily. I'm sorry." And he was. He imagined Emily, pregnant, alone, on the other end of his unanswered phone calls while he was probably out getting drunk with his buddies. Which he had done a lot of after returning from London. He felt the guilt pull at his gut when he thought about her going through an entire pregnancy, and childbirth, and caring for a newborn all the while he'd been too selfish, wearing his hurt like a child instead of manning up and calling her back.

She finally brought her eyes up to meet his. The hurt and anger still in her eyes, but when she saw how tormented he looked. She softened.

**London, UK**

**Emily's Flat**

**11 months earlier**

Emily's alarm clock went off for what felt like the hundredth time. And just like each time before she reached over and slapped at the snooze button until it silenced.

She was supposed to leave for work 10 minutes ago. Yet, she was still in bed, fighting off the nausea that plagued her for the last two weeks. She shut her eyes tight, willing it to subside but knowing that it would not. It was now the fiercest it's been since she'd discovered the cause just two days ago.

_Two days. _It reverberated in her mind ... Two days ago everything had changed.

She had suspected, of course, before then. Her period had been late. But that happened sometimes. Another week had gone by and the nausea had started. She'd attributed all of these symptoms to stress though. She had just moved continents, started a new job, was now responsible for her team's lives and sending them on assignments, she'd stopped talking to Derek - or rather he'd stopped talking to her, and she'd started a casual fling with a rather attractive substitute for her previous partner.

It was a heavy list of stressful things, that last item on the list had actually been on short list of not stressful things in her new life, until two days ago. Now Colin made the list. And, as of two days ago, there was one more thing that made it on her list of stressors, leap frogging its way right to the top of the list. She was pregnant.

She had taken the test two days ago and now that her head knew what her body had been trying to tell her, the mind and body had joined forces to ensure she knew how present every symptom was. Her hips ached, her boobs throbbed, and her limbs felt heavy with exhaustion.

Laying in bed and late work for the second day in a row, she was keenly aware of the bile rising in her esophagus. She knew it was only a matter of minutes now before it would come all the way up and she would spring out of bed running for the bathroom. But she was determined to stay in bed as long as she could.

Unable to stop herself from thinking back to the last time she'd been pregnant, she fleetingly wondered if the symptoms hadn't been as bad because she'd been 15 and her body was able to handle the hormone changes better, or because it was around this stage that it was over.

She knew she would have it this time though. She knew as soon as the strip turned pink. As long as her body cooperated, she would have this baby knowing it may be her last chance. Knowing she wasn't that scared 15 year old girl, with no money, no resources and no clue about how to care for a baby. She was now an adult woman with a good job and a savings account. Maybe she still didn't have a clue as to what to do with a baby but she had the resources now to figure it out. She wanted this. She was ready. With or without a man.

Emily focused on breathing in through her nose, out through her mouth. She had things she needed to do. First, she'd need to call her assistant and tell her she would not be coming in today. She would not have a repeat of yesterday. Yesterday, she'd gone in when she'd thought the latest bout had passed.

She had gotten up, gotten dressed, and headed into the office, only to throw up as soon as she'd walked into the office heading strait for the restroom. She'd had to leave the room in the middle of her AM briefing and two additional meetings throughout the day. No. She was not doing that again.

_Uh oh_. She needed to go_. Now. _

She flung herself out of bed and raced across the room barely in time. She landed on her knees as she vomited into the toilet.

Once she had finished heaving the contents of her stomach into the bowl, she flushed the toilet and then laid the side of her face on the cool plastic of the seat. She knew it was gross, but honestly, it just felt so good against her skin.

Feeling another wave of nausea pass through her, but too tired and weak to sit up again, she just spat some of the thick saliva in her mouth into the empty bowl. "Ugh." She groaned.

She dropped one hand into her lap and pressed it ever so lightly against her sensitive stomach. "Baby, why are you doing this to me?" She whined aloud to the empty room.

"Ugh," she groaned again pathetically. If there was one thing she truly hated it was being nauseous.

She sighed. "I'm being punished." She told her unborn baby. "I'm being punished because I slept with two different men just days apart and now I don't know who your daddy is."

She did feel dumb talking to her unborn baby, a baby, who was probably still just a bunch of cells and probably didn't even have ears yet. But it made her feel just a little less alone in this situation. She didn't have any friends here yet, not that she could burden with her baby daddy drama. She settled for talking to a fetus, at least that's what it was in the beginning, right? God, she knew nothing about babies and pregnancy. She made a mental note to do some research. If she could ever get up off this floor.

She closed her eyes and fought the urge to fall asleep right where she was. She really needed to get up. She needed to make some phone calls and then she would allow herself to get back in bed.

Taking a deep breath, she slowly pushed herself up off the floor, making sure to ease herself slowly so as not to test her uneasy stomach. She breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth once more. She swallowed and decided she was probably done throwing up, for now.

She slowly walked back into her bedroom and felt under her pillow for her phone. She already had unread emails, mostly incident notifications, and made a mental note to put on an out of office.

One more deep breath and she dialed a familiar number.

Four rings, which was two more than normal, before the receiver practically yelled into the phone, "Hello!"

"Hello Bethany." Emily stated to her assistant.

"Oh my god! Prentiss! I'm just getting in, I was trying to set my things down-"

"It's okay." Emily reassured her.

"Uh, what can I do for you?"

"I'm sorry to do this to you," she told Bethany sincerely, "but I need you to reschedule all of my in-person meetings today. I'm still feeling under the weather and I really shouldn't be coming into the office today."

"Oh no! I'm sorry you're still feeling sick. Do you think you caught the bug that's been going round?"

"Um, yeah. Probably." Emily lied. "Anyhow, I'll try to stay on top of as many emails as I can today, so please continue to send me over the reports. Also, please apologize for the team today in my absence and ask Sam if can attend my AM briefing when he arrives?"

"Of course." Bethany said as she scribbled on the closest Post-It she could find.

"Beth, I sincerely appreciate it." Emily told her.

"Oh, thank you." Bethany breathed; she was just feeling like she was getting into a swing her boss and she was ever-so-grateful.

Emily ended the call. One down. One to go. Then back to bed. That would be her reward.

She started scrolling through her phone contacts, continuing to swipe until she found the one that she was looking for. She took one more deep breath and hit dial.

Three rings.

"Hello, you've reached Dr. McLaughlin, OBGYN's, office. Cynthia speaking. How can I help you today?"

"Yes, hi Cynthia. My name is Emily Prentiss, I'm a new patient of Dr. McLaughlin's and um, I took a home pregnancy test and it, well, it said that it was positive. So… I guess I need to make an appointment."

"Ah." Said Cynthia, obviously having done this before. "Congrats, Miss Prentiss, I'll pull up Dr. McLaughlin's schedule… It looks like the next prenatal appointment she has is this Thursday at 10:45. Does that work for you?"

"Yes, I'll take it."

"Great! We'll see you then." She told Emily.

"Of course." Emily reassured her. "I'll be sure to do so."

Emily banged the end button one her phone. She rolled her eyes at herself for getting into this situation to begin with.

Collapsing onto the bed, she pulled a pillow into her face so she could yell without alerting the neighbors. "Fuuuuuuuck!"


	4. Friends

_A/N: Hey! So sorry this took so long, I had some crazy formatting issues with this chapter I was struggling to fix. Also... wanted to say I feel like this chap is a little fluffy but oh well, that's what ff is for. There is a bigger storyline that comes into play soon though, so hang in there?_

* * *

**New York Field Office**

Emily walked into the field office, baby in tow, only about 15 minutes later than she usually arrived, which she felt pretty good about considering the morning she'd had.

She was greeted by the smiling faces of Mario and Vivek.

"Morning, Boss." Vivek greeted.

"Babysitting duty again?" Mario raised an eyebrow, and flashed her a smile.

She returned their smiles, waving at them as she continued to pass, she playfully scolded Mario and reminded him what she'd told him multiple times. "It's not babysitting when it's your child, Mario."

Making her way into the vacant office she'd been working out of, she dropped the diaper bag on the couch just inside and pulled the door closed behind her.

As she walked towards the desk, the chair turned around abruptly.

Startled, Emily jumped back and instinctively used her free arm to cover the baby she was carrying.

"Jesus, JJ you scared the hell out me!" She exclaimed as she relaxed her body and took a deep breath to try and slow her heart rate.

"Sorry Em." She said apologetically.

"What are you doing in here anyway?"

"I wanted to talk to you." She said as if it were the most obvious thing in world.

"Right. Okay. Sure. Jesus, you could have turned a light on or something though." Emily was still reeling.

JJ laughed, getting up as she made her way toward her friend, but insisted, "I am really sorry."

"It's fine." Emily said, as her heart was finally returning to a normal pace.

JJ smiled as she took in the little baby that was nestled into Emily's chest. "He really is beautiful, Em."

Emily smiled, genuinely. "To be honest, I still have a hard time believing I made something so perfect."

"I'll tell you a secret, that feeling, it never goes away."

Emily laughed. She supposed it wouldn't.

"Would you like to hold him?"

JJ's eyes bugged and she nodded furiously, already reaching out for the baby.

Emily smiled as she handed her son to JJ, who went easily, though he kept his eyes trained on his mother.

JJ gently squeezed him into her chest. "Oh my gosh. You're so tiny. I can't believe my boys were ever this tiny!"

Emily laughed nervously, "Really? I feel like he's getting so big."

"Emily, why didn't you tell me?"

The hurt in JJ's voice sent a wave of guilt through her. "JJ, I couldn't."

JJ shook her head. "I thought we were friends."

"I did want to tell you, I wanted to tell you and Penelope so badly."

"Then why didn't you? Em, we would have been happy for you. I would have prioritized a visit."

"Oh god, JJ, I know that. I just- I-" she owed it to her friend, she realized to be honest with her. She couldn't have JJ questioning that she valued her as a friend. Why was she so damned good at hurting the people closest to her?

Emily ran a hand through her hair as she turned and took a seat on the couch, patting the open seat next to her, inviting JJ to do the same.

JJ obliged.

"Okay," Emily took a deep breath, "I swear I wanted to call you so badly, but I owed it to Derek to tell him first. And, well, I couldn't get ahold of him."

"Derek." JJ spoke the name cautiously, allowing each syllable to form. She spoke his name as if she hadn't heard it before. Why would Emily need to tell Derek before she told her? She knew they had been close but it wasn't like- The thought hadn't even occurred to her. But it should have. She'd seen the man with Emily the day before and assumed.

"Oh. My. God. This is Derek's baby?" JJ looked down at the baby she was still holding, searching his small features. Eyes widened in shock, she looked back to Emily, who still had not yet answered.

"I don't know." Emily admitted. It would seem now that she'd admitted it to Derek, she didn't have quite as much trouble spilling the words out.

"Emily!"

"Ugh. Don't Emily me, I know how badly I fucked all of this up. How much I've already hurt everyone. Trust me."

"No, Em, I didn't mean it like that. It's just surprising information is all." She reassured her, lovingly.

Emily sighed, "I know, I talked to Derek this morning and he wants a paternity test."

"And you're going to do it?"

"Of course. Derek deserves to know and so does Elijah. But what I don't know is what I'm going to do if Derek is his father. Colin doesn't even know about Derek."

"You haven't told him that the baby might not be his?"

Embarrassed, Emily shook her head no.

"Em-"

"I know I should have, he just assumed he was his father and I just never corrected him."

"Oh boy."

"Why do I do. this to myself?"

JJ pulled her friend into a hug, "It's gonna be okay Em. I love you. And you have a beautiful baby that will love you no matter what."

"Thanks JJ. I needed to hear that. He's the best thing out of all of this."

* * *

**London, UK**

**London Office**  
**INTERPOL**

Clyde Easter was leaning back in his desk chair, his feet up on the edge of his desk. He had an open bottle of scotch sitting on his desk and full glass sitting next to the bottle. He had barely touched it as he was engrossed in the case file he was holding. He barely heard the knock at the door.

"Hey Easter, do you have a minute?" Emily asked, poking her head into his office. It was rare he was actually working in his office. He was usually jetting off somewhere for a case. Not unlike herself, currently. She almost exclusively communicated with her boss via Skype or phone call, so she wanted to take advantage of the rare opportunity to speak face-to-face.

Clyde peered over his glasses at Emily, and waved her in. "Come in Prentiss."

She stepped fully into the office, closing the door behind her.

He placed his feet on the floor, sitting upright in his chair as she seated herself in one of the chairs across from him.

She nervously straitened under his gaze.

He looked at her expectantly.

"Okay," she started, but paused as she stopped herself from picking at her nails. She placed her palms deliberately onto her thighs. She forced herself to straighten, again, and then continued. "I have to tell you something."

Easter closed the file he'd still had open in front of him and pushed it away, showing her she had his full attention.

"Look, I haven't actually told anyone yet. So, I'd appreciate it if you didn't say anything to anyone around here about-"

He cut her off. It was late and he wasn't in the mood for anyone rambling on. "Prentiss, what is this regarding?"

"I'm pregnant."

"Oh," he was visibly surprised. "Not what I was expecting you to say."

"What were you expecting me to say?"

He let out a slight chuckle. "Not that."

She placed a hand over her abdomen. She felt bloated, kind of like a more drastic version of the days leading up to her period, but she definitely knew you couldn't tell by looking at her. At least not yet.

He suddenly jerked his head up, "We didn't have sex did we?!"

"What?!" shocked and then disgust, "Oh god, no! That is not why I'm telling you this."

"Ah." Relief washed over him. "Well, congratulations then."

He was the first person she'd told, other than her doctor. She found herself grinning stupidly.

He took a swig of scotch.

She rolled her eyes at herself and her stupid grin she couldn't wipe, at the same time he offered her some scotch.

"Right, sorry." He took another swig. He'd thought her eye roll was directed at him. She didn't correct him.

"Look, I'm telling you this for a couple of reasons. One, I love my job and I am so grateful for this opportunity, but I need to cut back on the overtime I've been putting in. I've developed a delegation strategy to ensure the teams reporting wont fall through the cracks. On your end you really shouldn't notice a difference."

"Prentiss, I asked you to run the London office because I trust your judgment and I admire your work ethic. I don't care how you structure your team." He informed her. Clyde wasn't one to get mushy or reassure his employees every step of their work. Personally, he didn't want a family. He didn't care if others wanted them, but certainly didn't understand.

"I appreciate you saying that. So expect that you'll back me up on my decision to pull myself out of the field."

He took another sip of his scotch, pondering her proposal. He supposed it made sense. He shouldn't be allowing an agent in her situation in the field. They put themselves in a great deal of danger every time they stepped into the field. The last thing any agent needed was even the slightest distraction. Actually, he decided, he admired her recognition of this. "Alright then, and what is our cover if we aren't telling them about your, er, situation?"

"The same thing I'm telling you now. That what I've seen you from my team is they are fully competent. I trust them to keep me informed and to make good decisions in the field while I focus on other priorities here in the office."

Clyde smiled at her.

"What?"

"You were a good hire."

She rolled her eyes. "You're seriously patting yourself on the back right now?"

He chuckled slightly. "I'm damn good at what I do."

She nodded, leaned back in her chair and agreed, "So am I."

He took another sip of his scotch. He felt a little guilty he didn't have anything to offer her. She seemed content though as she rested her elbows on the armrest of the chair, both hands gently placed on her stomach.

It was odd, but Clyde found himself realizing that he didn't have many friends. He and Emily weren't even friends. Acquaintances, colleges at times, but they'd never before talked about anything but work. In fact, they were still talking about work technically.

It was strange, he was finding, he didn't have a personal life outside of work. At least not one that would ever take priority over a case.

He looked at the woman in front of him who also appeared deep in thought. He'd always assumed that she equally prioritized work and didn't have a personal life. Clearly he'd been wrong about that.

Still though, he found himself oddly comfortable in her presence. He took a sip emptying current glass of scotch.

"Emily?" he asked, bringing her out of her reverie.

"Yeah?"

"Are we friends?"

"What?" she asked, a little surprised at the question. She honestly had never thought about it. But she nodded, deciding. "Yeah, I guess we could be."

He nodded and poured himself another. "Let me ask you something then."

"Oh boy." She knew now she'd set herself up for having to answer a personal question.

"Who are you sleeping with?"

"I'm not sleeping with anyone! And that is none of your business."

"Clearly you have and somewhat recently."

She rolled her eyes. Was she really about to discuss with her boss her baby daddy drama? No. She decided she wouldn't tell him everything. But to be honest, she didn't have any other friends and she really wanted to talk to someone.

"Ok, fine. But as my friend you're sworn to secrecy."

"I, quite frankly, have no other friends, so it shouldn't be a problem." He reassured her.

She laughed, a care-free laugh, one that hadn't escaped her in a while. They were alike in a lot of ways.

"So, as I mentioned before. I am not currently sleeping with anyone."

"Right." He was wondering where she was going with this.

"I had a one night stand." She admitted, intentionally leaving out that she'd actually had two. With two different men. They might be friends now, but he was still her boss and there was only so much she was willing to share there.

"Emily!" he said in mock admonishment.

"I know!" she put a hand over her face.

"I'm joking. I'm not judging you, I've had plenty of those."

"I know that too." She signed uncovering her face, revealing her still flushed cheeks.

"Have you told him?"

"What we had sex? I think he knows."

"Very funny." He said, clearly annoyed. He didn't know why he was so intrigued. Maybe it was seeing her in a new light? He'd really only seen her when she was serious and he found himself curious at the jovial woman he was getting a glimpse of.

"No. I haven't told him yet."

He wasn't sure if he should be, but he was surprised by this.

"Are you going to tell him?"

She bit her lip. "Honestly, I don't know."

"Why not?" he wasn't accusing her. He felt it really was her decision, he was merely curious as to her thought process.

She felt her eyes get hot. She silently cursed the stupid hormones, usually, she was so good at keeping herself together. Now she found herself laughing one minute, crying the next. Life's proverbial joke as she was trying to establish some credibility as a level-headed woman in a male dominated field, and with a brand new team.

She looked over at Clyde who looked incredibly uncomfortable now.

"Sorry, hormones."

"You don't need to apologize. Really, we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"It's okay, I really don't mind. Honestly, I don't even know why I'm crying, it just starts happening." That wasn't totally a lie. She'd found herself crying over the dumbest things the last few days. The day before she'd passed a lone shoe on the sidewalk. She'd cried because it didn't have a partner or a home to go to. The hormones were making her a mess, but in this moment she was thinking about the one person she wanted to tell and couldn't because he was currently screening her calls.

"You don't have his contact info?" he guessed. "When I hook up with no intention of a round two, I usually leave without giving them my number. Now that I think of it, I wonder if I have any kids out there."

She found herself laughing again. "No, I have his contact info." And she did. For both of them.

She decided to tell him the other thing that had been on her mind. "It's so early in the pregnancy. So many things could still go wrong. Before telling him, I just want to make sure there's something to tell."

"I see." He said. It was apparent that she wanted this badly, with or without the guy around. "Emily, have you always wanted to be a mom?"

She shook her head. "No. I honestly decided a few years back that I really didn't want kids."

"What changed?"

She shrugged. "The strip turned pink."

He returned her smile. He surmised maybe the saying was true. "Maybe some of the best things in life aren't planned."

"Maybe that's true." And with that she stood. "I think I've shared enough of my personal life with my boss for the evening. I will see you tomorrow Clyde."

He nodded as she made her way to the door. "Emily?" he called after her.

"Yeah?"

"Don't stress. I've got your back."

She smiled a little brighter. "Thank you."

In that moment each realized that they were, in fact, friends.


End file.
